The Real Secret is a different kind of self help. We debunk the empty promises of so many books and DVDs and bring you a simple, sensible approach to real life fulfillment. We don't believe you can achieve happiness, or anything else, by simply wishing for, thinking about or visualising it. Our book - and this blog - takes only the best of what really works and turns it into a positive, practical 12-step programme that will enable you to take control of your life and raise your happiness levels.

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The Real Secret is simple, sensible, scientifically supported self help
by Lucy McCarraher & Annabel Shaw



It is coming up to Christmas and Brighton is crowded. I live very close to the main shopping street so that every time I go out I meet a million frantic shoppers. They get in my way, they bump into me without apology; they eat, drink, and smoke, right there on (my!) street. I have to be careful not to get irritated or annoyed by this annual visitation because it doesn’t do me any good - the crowds don’t care how I feel; they just push past me. Irritated or not they don’t even notice me.

I am careful about getting irritated because I learnt early on not to wage war with the outside world on inconsequential things such as getting upset when things outside of my control go wrong or when people are rude, and, instead, I now turn my attention inward to myself. This simple shift of attention has changed how I experience my life. I am more content - and a whole lot more tolerant. My feelings are more precious to me now - not to be wasted on irritation and annoyance. I now keep my anger and frustration for more important things, like cruelty.

So how do I stop myself getting annoyed by everyday irritations? This is what I do:
  • When an irritating event occurs I stop and breathe
  • I pay attention to how I am feeling and what I am thinking. This allows me to recognise how my old habits work so that they now no longer control me. I am aware of myself.
  • I then think of the people I love the most and I pour this love onto my irritation much as you would put balm on a physical wound.
  • I repeat these steps every time I face a difficulty
There is a space of time between what irritates you and your response. Don’t waste your precious feelings getting irritated. Save them for what really matters
Posted by Annabel.

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