The Top Ten Mistakes We Make When trying To Change Our Behaviour

Is behaviour difficult to change? How come some of us find it easy and others very difficult? A group of researchers at Stanford University have looked at this question and come up with the top ten mistakes we make when trying to change our behaviour.

1. Relying on Willpower.
Willpower doesn't exist - it's just another excuse we all use to explain why change is so hard. There is no evidence for willpower. No special gene. It's all been a cover-up.You need to forget about willpower. Pretend it doesn't exist. Forget the pretend (sorry - still coming to terms with the loss).

2. Attempting Big Leaps instead of small steps
One small step at a time. You're after small successes remember not giant leaps for mankind - you haven't landed on the moon.

3. Ignoring How Your Environment Affects You
If you want to change your life then you need to change the context. You'll have to read The Real Secret if you want to know how - I'm not giving all our secrets away!

4.Trying to Stop Old Behaviours instead of Creating New Ones
Forget all that advice about avoiding old behaviours. Takes too much time and effort. Concentrate instead on the new behaviour. Stop avoiding the old and start doing the new.

5. Stop Waiting for Motivation
I've told you this before - here - I'm not telling you again

6. Underestimating The Power of Triggers
Behaviour is always, always triggered. Feel thirsty? Hungry? Enraged? Sleepy? Upset? Work out what it is that triggers the behaviour you want to change, then think before you act.

7. Believing that Information Leads to Action
Well it just doesn't - we aren't that rational. You'll need to read The Book.

8. Focusing on Abstract Goals rather than Concrete Behaviours
Abstract : get fit
Concrete : walk for 15 minutes a day
See The Book for more help setting and achieving goals.

9. Wanting to change a Behaviour FOREVER
Wrong! You need to concentrate on a fixed period - remember small steps?

10. Assuming that Behaviour Change is Difficult
Behaviour change is not difficult - when you know how. Read The Book

So there you have it - the top ten mistakes we all make when trying to change our behaviour. Personally I can think of a few more but these ten are apparently the ones we all make.

Posted by Annabel

Why we always blame other people

Talking of irritation (well I was yesterday), it never fails to amaze me just how annoying other people are. Sartre called other people hell. I call other people stupid, lazy, inconsiderate, pretentious, angry, useless, and arrogant. Everything I am not.

This isn’t a good start from a writer of self help books.

Bear with me.

I am also other people.

In social psychological terms this kind of labelling is called the Fundamental Attribution Error. This states that when we look at the behaviour of other people we tend to blame their behaviour on personality shortcomings. When we explain our own similar behaviour it’s always the fault of things outside of our control - the situation in which we find ourselves.

For example, if we see someone shouting angrily at a train that just departed we tend to assume they are ‘a very angry person’. But when we ourselves shout angrily at a train we just missed, it’s because the train left earlier than scheduled, the bus to the train was late, the timetable was wrong - typical British Rail incompetence - the station clock was fast - ditto - and I hate my boss because she just passed me over for promotion. Nothing to do with me at all. Anyone, after the day I just had would get upset when the last train home just left.

Whilst I am clearly a victim of circumstances, everyone else has some kind of personality disorder.

I like the fundamental attribution error.

But I also think we should give other people a little more slack when it comes to making judgements about their behaviour. 

"Our anger and annoyance are more detrimental to us than the things themselves which anger or annoy us."

Marcus Aurelius (121 - 180)
 

Even if none of it's your fault, but you're still feeling stressed and angry, take 15 minutes to relax with our free Relaxation Audio. Conscious physical relaxation has very good effects on physical and mental health, sleep, stress levels - and even the annoyance caused entirely by other people.

We all get overly stressed and angry at other people when we are less than happy ourselves - but it's often hard to know how to make changes for yourself. By following the Steps of The Real Secret, or identifying those which relate to your situation, you can raise your personal happiness levels, which will impact on those around you at work and at home as well as the anonymous people you come into contact with daily. You can also learn how to listen better (empathic listening), improve relationships at work and at home, as well as build confidence and deal with difficult people. It is available in paperback and kindle on Amazon.co.uk and Amazon. com


Posted by Annabel