How the Happiness Habits Worked - The Results

Here is a summary of the results of our Happiness Habits Experiment. We think you'll agree, they show some pretty positive results for Happiness Habits being able to raise happiness levels, that they became habitual in many cases, that participants enjoyed them and are likely to carry on doing them. But - even when you know they work, it's hard to remember to keep doing them.

HAPPINESS FINDINGS

Happiness Habits raised happiness levels
Overall, carrying out daily Happiness Habits raised happiness levels for almost two thirds (62%) of respondents, with “Three Good Things” the most effective (65%), followed by “Smile” (58%) and “Fun To-Do Lists” (50%).

“You just can't feel too bad when you are smiling even if things seen awful, it changes you, I felt lighter.”

30% of respondents reported that all Habits combined affected their happiness levels, whilst 38% were not sure.

“Smiling and positive thoughts and keeping a record of the good stuff is a great habit - works for me :-)”

9 participants (24%) said that individual or the combined Habits did not affect their happiness levels.

“Doing the habits were natural for me but it is a great feeling to know that level of happiness can be changed for the better just knowing the keys.”

Happiness Habits were enjoyable
The vast majority of respondents (96%) found carrying out Happiness Habits enjoyable or quite enjoyable. “Smile” was the most enjoyed habit with 92% of those trialing it rating it as Enjoyable.

“Smiling more and consciously was particularly enjoyable. It had an immediate psychological and physiological benefit.”

"Spreading Happiness” was the second most enjoyed habit, rated Enjoyable by 81%.

“Doing something kind and helpful was wonderful. It made me very happy.”

96% of respondents who trialed “And Breathe…” rated it Enjoyable or Quite Enjoyable (in equal numbers).

“Breathing was very calming... It was very useful in stressful situations at work.”

Three is the happiest number of Habits
Comparing the number of habits respondents had chosen to work on with their opinions as to whether they would choose more or fewer Habits in another period, revealed that the majority felt that practising three Happiness Habits at a time was the optimum number to raise happiness levels.

Happiness Habits became habitual
The simpler interventions, in particular (such as smiling and affirmations), became embedded as habits for at least half of the respondents after three weeks of regular practice. Once more, “Simply Smile” scored highest, with 54% of respondents saying it had already become a Habit with them and the remaining 46% feeling it would do so in another three weeks. 50% of participants who practised “Three Good Things” and “Yes I Can” said these had become a habit with them. 40% felt “Yes I Can” may become a habit with further practice and 35% believed “Three Good Things” would become one. Over half of those who carried out “And Breathe”, “Fun To-Do Lists” and “Spreading Happiness” reported that these may become a habit for them in another three weeks. Only 9% of respondents across all Habits felt that some would never become habitual to them.

Simpler Habits were most popular
“Simply Smile” was the most popular Habit overall (for its simplicity, we suspect) followed by “And Breathe...” then “Three Good Things”. “Fun To-Do Lists” was the Habit fewest signed up to. No men opted to carry out “Yes I Can” – a habit of positive affirmations.

Remembering to do Happiness Habits
Many participants found it hard to remember to practise their Happiness Habits, even when it was clear to them that they worked to raise happiness levels. Whilst 42% of respondents found it Easy to remember to carry out some or all of their Happiness Habits, 22% found it Not Easy with the remaining 36% finding it only Fairly Easy.

The issue of remembering to practise (and therefore embed) Happiness Habits is crucial and may be more critical than our results suggest. Whilst 66 participants originally signed up to take part in the Experiment, only 37 completed and returned the survey. When reminded to return the questionnaire, several replied that they hadn’t remembered to do the Habits enough to be able to respond to the questions (despite the form stating that this was not a problem and would form part of the research findings), and did not do so.

“I forgot about the experiment so it didn’t really work for me. I do believe in spreading happiness so that came easily as did the smiling but the other parts just slipped my mind.”

Whilst 65% of respondents found remembering to “Smile” Very Easy, only 30% found remembering to “Breathe”, 25% “Three Good Things” (the hardest Habit to remember – although it was the Habit that made the most difference to respondents’ happiness levels) and “Fun To Do Lists” Easy. A few respondents said they had found ways of remembering to carry out their Happiness Habits:

“I used my diary to remind me of my three good things. Every day I would number 1, 2, 3, down but found myself going onto to no's 5, 6 and more sometimes. It gets a bit of a habit!”

“As for reminding myself, the list stays beside my bedside and I will continue using it every night. I’ve taken it on travels to other parts of the USA to continue the routine at night.”

Happiness Habits will continue and increase
Two thirds of respondents said they would definitely continue to practise their Happiness Habits and over half will adopt further Happiness Habits from the Experiment list or The Real Secret book.

“I firmly believe that making a conscious effort to become happier pays off. And this experiment has proved that, even if it has also proved that forming habits takes sustained effort.”

For the full results, download The Happiness Habits Report here

Why Happiness Is Important

Following the release of the results of our Happiness Habits Experiment this week, here is "The Background" section of The Happiness Habits Report

Why happiness is important 

Why is it that people who are already contented and confident seem to get all the best breaks, have the most satisfying relationships, and enjoy more fun and exciting lives? It’s not that they’re happy and fulfilled because they have all those things. Long term research has shown that it’s entirely the other way round: happy people have better relationships, more successful careers, earn more money, maintain closer links with friends and family and savour life more. Positive emotions don't just feel good when we experience them; they also affect our long term well-being. The evidence linking emotional well-being to better health and increased longevity is actually stronger than the evidence linking obesity to reduced longevity. Tackling long term issues like obesity is vital, but these are often symptoms of a deeper malaise; the root cause of many problems is unhappiness. Happiness is the underlying factor which makes everything else work better.

A happy society is a better society
If you ask people what happiness means, the chances are you will get as many different answers as people responding. Most people, however, would agree that the experience of happiness is positive and the experience of unhappiness is invariably negative. Happiness and well-being are important, not just at a personal level, but for our society as a whole. As workers we work better; as parents we parent better; as children we learn better; as partners our relationships last longer; even doctors diagnose more accurately; and we are all more tolerant of one another when we are happier - especially when times are hard.

Depression, anxiety, stress and mental ill health, on the other hand, contribute to poorer physical health outcomes affecting heart function, the immune system, digestion and sleep patterns. Unfortunately, whilst everyone wants to be happy, many people say that they aren’t. In the United Kingdom the use of anti-depressants increased by 234% in the 10 years up to 2002 and 43% since 2006 to an incredible 23 million prescriptions a year. The negative effects of feeling unhappy are causing distress to an increasing number of people.

Happiness matters now more than ever
Research shows that economic stability has a large effect on the happiness of society, unlike long-term economic growth; unemployment reduces levels of happiness by as much as bereavement. GPs have reported increasing numbers of patients seeking treatment for anxiety and depression caused by financial worries, a trend liable to continue with the current economic outlook. Other indicators include the NEF’s report showing that unemployment has a poor effect on especially men’s well-being; UNICEF’s report on levels of UK children’s happiness, which is lower than other countries and strongly correlated with the happiness or otherwise of their mother; and Relate’s recent research showing one in five of those aged 35-44 feel lonely a lot of the time, or have suffered depression.

Happiness, it seems, is more important now than ever.

Continue reading/download The Happiness Habits Report here

The Happiness Habits Experiment Results are out!

In our ‘Happiness Habits Experiment’ we asked people to undertake between one and six simple activities daily for three weeks. The results show that daily repetition of exercises – like smiling, being kind to others and repeating positive affirmations – really did raise happiness levels. And better still, some of these activities can become habits in as little as three weeks. When Happiness Habits, like any other habits, become embedded, people no longer have to even think about them, they just become second nature and the underlying structure of a happier life.

Below is the executive summary highlighting the key facts and findings. 

Executive Summary

• Happiness is critical to the well-being and functioning of individuals and society; emotional well-being is more strongly related to good health and living longer than obesity is to dying earlier.

• Individuals have the power to raise and maintain their own happiness levels. Happiness is ‘contagious’, so happier people improve the well-being of others.

• ‘Happiness Habits’ is an evidence-based way to raise happiness and treat low level depression and anxiety.

• The most effective Happiness Habits were ‘Spreading Happiness’, ‘Simply Smile’ and ‘Three Good Things’.

• Simpler Happiness Habits can become embedded within three weeks; others may take longer

• Working on three Happiness Habits at a time is the ideal number to raise happiness levels

• Happiness Habits present challenges to learn, but once embedded have a powerful effect. Remembering to do them is hard, even when you know they work

• A Happiness Habits programme disseminated through schools and NHS GP surgeries offers  government massive opportunities to raise national well-being and save money

The full report can be viewed here and will also appear on this blog page section by section over the next few days.

Posted by Annabel

The Happy Gene

It seems that for each one of us there is a characteristic level of happiness which is inherited. Research just published in the Journal of Human Genetics and reported in todays Guardian - Gene helps explain happiness levels - provides further support to the long held idea of a genetically-determined set point (or set range) for happiness. Previous research, based on twin studies and adoption studies, suggests that the heritability factor may be as high as 50%.

As Jan-Emmanuel De Neve, who led the recent study, said “Of course, our well-being isn't determined by this one gene - other genes and especially experience throughout the course of life will continue to explain the majority of variation in individual happiness..."

This is good news because it leaves us with something to play with. If we also take away 10% for the effect of life events or circumstances outside of our control, which research seems to suggest is an accurate estimate,1 then that still leaves us with 40%.

Whilst we can’t do anything to change what we are born with, changing our intentional activities - the things that we can do something about - may provide a happiness-boosting potential that is at least larger than changing what we are born into - our circumstances. I’m happy with that equation.

It’s especially good news for those of us who have had the misfortune of experiencing more than a fair share of negative life events.

However, whilst there has been a decent amount of research into the heritability of happiness there has historically been surprisingly little scientific research concerned with the  question of how happiness can be increased. Perhaps we also inherit a ‘pessimism gene’ - encouraged and sustained by the concepts of genetic determinism.

But this is all changing. There is now a growing body of evidence showing that there is much that we can do to raise our happiness set-point and keep it raised. The results are impressive and give good reason to think about how what we do can affect how we feel. If you want to know more you need to read The Real Secret book where we translate this research into simple (but not necessarily easy) steps that can make you feel happier.

After all, 40 % is still only half full. If I could raise my level of happiness by as much as 10% I’d at least give it a try.

Posted by Annabel

Lyubomirsky, S. (2001). Why are some people happier than others?: The role of cognitive and
motivational processes in well-being. American Psychologist, 56, 239-249.
Graphic courtesy of Action for Happiness 

For ways to raise your own, or someone else's happiness levels, get your copy of The Real Secret in paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk

What can recent research tell us about how to treat depression?

In 2010 the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA)  made head-line news when it published research which concluded that whilst anti-depressants were effective in helping those with severe depression, they were no better than a placebo in treating mild to moderate depression.

Anti-depressants such as SSRIs (Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors) are widely used to raise the level of serotonin in the brain and this, in turn, is thought to alleviate the symptoms of depression. However, only about half the patients who take SSRIs appear to be helped by them, and then it takes at least three weeks for any effects to be felt.

So the following questions were asked* - if increasing the amount of serotonin in the brain was the answer to depression, why didn't these SSRIs help everyone who took them?  And if a lack of serotonin in the brain was the reason we get depressed, why wouldn't the pills work immediately?

One possible answer was thought to be that, in cases of mild to moderate depression, it was the placebo effect that was really helping patients not the SSRIs.

But that can’t be the whole story, as anyone who has suffered from depression - however mild - will tell you. It also doesn’t explain why the pills take three weeks to become effective in the case of severe depression.

The neurogenic hypothesis of depression suggests that the reason SSRIs work for severe depression is that in these cases the drugs promote the growth of new neurons - and it takes three weeks, because that's how long it takes for the brain to start making new neurons and creating new neural pathways.

This neurogenic hypothesis challenges the old neurotransmitter (serotonin is a neurotransmitter) explanation. In the new explanation, it is the creation of new neural pathways which ultimately frees people from the grips of depression and also explains why depression is so intractable for those who have it and can't seem to shake it off. Old patterns of behavior (i.e., pre-existing neural pathways) get reinforced in depressed people in the same way that new patterns of behaviour get formed: with repetition. Whilst old behaviours go over old ground - again and again and again - new behaviours, on the other hand, create new neural pathways and it is these that can help forge a path out of depression. Cells that fire together wire together.

We are what we repeatedly do; happiness, then, is not an act but a habit.

with apologies to Aristotle

The ability of the brain to forge new neural pathways is what is known as neuroplasticity . To illustrate plasticity, imagine making an impression of a coin in a lump of clay. In order for the impression of the coin to appear in the clay, changes must occur in the clay -  the shape of the clay changes as the coin is pressed into the clay. Similarly, the neural circuitry in the brain must reorganize in response to new experience or sensory stimulation - it’s a physical process - grey matter can actually shrink or thicken; neural connections can be forged and refined or weakened and severed .  

Brains are designed to change. It's what allows us to cope with the ever-changing world around us. So anything that restricts our brains ability to change would be a major hindrance to personal growth and our own survival. And it turns out that one of the things that inhibits the growth of new neurons in the brain is stress. In effect, chronic stress limits neuroplasticity in the brain. And as a result, unrelenting stress can have a major impact on our mental health and influence a whole host of psychological disorders including depression. But in order to benefit from our brain's ability to change, the depressed person must force him or herself to do new things and participate in new activities every day.

Charles Darwin (1809-1882) knew this a long time ago when he wrote:

"My mind has changed during the last twenty or thirty years... Now for many years I cannot endure to read a line of poetry… I have also almost lost any taste for pictures or music… My mind seems to have become a kind of machine for grinding general laws out of large collections of facts...

If I had to live my life again I would have made a rule to read some poetry and listen to some music at least once every week… The loss of these tastes is a loss of happiness, and may possibly be injurious to the intellect, and more probably to the moral character, by enfeebling the emotional part of our nature."

We seem only now to have caught up with him.

So what can we do to help ourselves?

Just as we create flexibility in our bodies by stretching physically, so too we can create flexibility in our minds by stretching mentally. Every day we have the opportunity to exercise our flexibility. We can do this in small ways such as taking a different route home from work or changing the ways we do routine tasks – just doing things differently. On a larger scale, we can learn a new language or learn to play an instrument. Doing unique, random, different, and sometimes ridiculous things is a good way to exercise the mind and promote new ways of thinking about the world around us as well as alleviating any symptoms of depression by markedly refusing to reinforce negative experiences by forging alternative pathways. 

“A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.”

Oliver Wendell Holmes (1841-1935)

As those of you who took part know, we have recently undertaken a Happiness Habits Experiment to see whether repeating between one and six simple activities that are correlated with well-being, daily, for three weeks, raised people’s happiness levels and became embedded as habits. We’ve had very positive results and will be bringing you the full report in a few days time. Watch this space.

* see Jim Porters blog for more

**I am not in any way suggesting that people who are on anti-depressants should come off them except under the guidance of their doctor - what I am suggesting is that there are alternatives which can compliment drug treatment and that should certainly be considered as a first option in cases of mild and moderate depression before resorting to drug treatment. 


Posted by Annabel

How To Tell if your Marriage will last

Huston, a pioneer in the psychology of relationships, launched the Processes of Adaptation in Intimate Relationships (the "PAIR Project") in 1981. He followed 168 couples from their wedding day through 13 years of marriage looking at why so many marriages end in divorce. Past research suggested that newlyweds begin their life together in romantic bliss, and can then be brought down by their inability to navigate the issues that inevitably crop up during the marriage. Much of this previous research suggested that the best predictors of divorce are interactive difficulties, such as frequent expressions of antagonism, lack of respect for each other's ideas and similar interpersonal issues. But most of this research was done on couples who had been married a number of years, with many of them already well on their way to divorce. It came as no surprise, then, that researchers thought their hostility toward one another predicted the further demise of the relationship.

Huston's study was unique in that it looked at couples much earlier, before they got married and during the initial years of marriage, thus providing the first complete picture of the earliest stages of a marriage. Its four main findings were quite surprising.

First, contrary to popular belief, Huston found that many newlyweds are far from blissfully in love. Second, couples whose marriages begin in romantic bliss are particularly divorce-prone because such intensity is too hard to maintain. Believe it or not, marriages that start out with less "Hollywood romance" usually have more promising futures. Accordingly, and this is the third major finding, spouses in lasting but lacklustre marriages are not prone to divorce, as one might suspect; their marriages are less fulfilling to begin with, so there is no erosion of a Western-style romantic ideal. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, it is the loss of love and affection, not the emergence of interpersonal issues, that sends couples journeying toward divorce.

By the end of Huston's study in 1994, the couples fell into four distinct groups. They were either married and happy; married and unhappy; divorced early, within seven years; or divorced later, after seven years--and each group showed a distinct pattern.

Those who remained happily married were very "in love" and affectionate as newlyweds. They showed less ambivalence, expressed negative feelings less often and viewed their mate more positively than other couples. Most importantly, these feelings remained stable over time. By contrast, although many couples who divorced later were very affectionate as newlyweds, they gradually became less loving, more negative, and more critical of their spouse.

Indeed, Huston found that how well spouses got along as newlyweds affected their future, but the major distinguishing factor between those who divorced and those who remained married was the amount of change in the relationship over its first two years.

"The first two years are key--that's when the risk of divorce is particularly high," he says. "And the changes that take place during this time tell us a lot about where the marriage is headed."

What surprised Huston most was the nature of the changes that led to divorce: The experiences of the 56 participating couples who divorced showed that loss of initial levels of love and affection, rather than conflict, was the most salient predictor of unhappiness and divorce. This loss sends the relationship into a downward spiral, leading to increased bickering and fighting, and to the collapse of the marriage.

"This ought to change the way we think about the early roots of what goes wrong in marriage," Huston said. "The dominant approach has been to work with couples to resolve conflict, but it should focus on preserving the positive feelings. That's a very important take-home lesson."

In other words, there is more to a successful relationship than simply managing conflict - loss of intimacy appears to be the greatest predictor of a doomed marriage. When people first fall in love they also seem to fall out of reality - ignoring each other's - and the relationship's shortcomings. But after they tie the knot, hidden aspects of their personalities emerge, and idealized images give way to more realistic ones. This can lead to disappointment, loss of love and, ultimately, unhappiness and divorce.


TAKE THE MARRIAGE QUIZ - taken from the Pair projects website here

Choose the answer that best describes your level of agreement with each of the following statements:

Part 1: Our Relationship As Newlyweds
1. As newlyweds, we were constantly touching, kissing, pledging our love or doing sweet things for one another.
Strongly disagree (1pt.) Disagree (2 pts.) Agree (3 pts.) Strongly agree (4 pts.)
2. As newlyweds, how often did you express criticism, anger, annoyance, impatience or dissatisfaction to one another?
Often (1 pt.) Sometimes (2 pts.) Rarely (3 pts.) Almost never (4 pts.)
3. As newlyweds, my partner and I felt we belonged together; we were extremely close and deeply in love.
Disagree (1 pt.) Mildly agree (2 pts.) Agree (3 pts.) Strongly agree (4 pts.)
4. As a newlywed, I think one or both of us were confused about our feelings toward each other, or worried that we were not right for each other.
Strongly agree (1 pt.) Agree (2 pts.) Disagree (3 pts.) Strongly disagree (4 pts.)

Part 2: Our Relationship By Our Second Anniversary
1. By our second anniversary, we were dlsappointed that we touched, kissed, pledged our love or did sweet things for one another less often than we had as newlyweds.
Strongly disagree (1 pt.) Disagree (2 pts.) Agree (3 pts.) Strongly agree (4 pts.)
2. By our second anniversary, we expressed criticism, anger, annoyance, impatience or dissatisfaction a lot more than we had as newlyweds.
Strongly disagree (1 pt.) Disagree (2 pts.) Agree (3 pts.) Strongly agree (4 pts.)
3. By our second anniversary, we fell much less belonging and closeness with one another than we had before.
Disagree (1 pt.) Mildly agree (2 pts.) Agree (3 pts.) Strongly agree (4 pts.)
4. By our second anniversary, I fell much more confused or worried about the relationship than I did as a newlywed.
Strongly disagree (1 pt.) Disagree (2 pts.) Agree (3 pts.) Strongly agree (4 pts.)

Scoring: Add up the points that correspond to your answers in Part 1. If you scored between 4 and 8, place yourself in Group "A." If you scored between 9 and 16, place yourself in Group "B."
Now add up the points that correspond to your answers in Part 2. If you scored between 4 and 8, place yourself in Group "C." If you scored between 9 and 16, place yourself in Group "D."

Your Results: Find the type of marriage first by considering your score in Part 1 (either A or B) in combination with your score in Part 2 (either C or D): If you scored A + C, read "Mixed Blessings"; If you scored A + D, read "Disengaging Duo"; If you scored B + C, read "A Fine Romance"; If you scored B + D, read "Disaffected Lovers."

Disaffected Lovers
The contrast between the giddiness you felt as newlyweds and how you felt later may cause disenchantment. While you and your spouse are still affectionate and in love, there are clouds behind the silver lining. You may bicker and disagree, which, combined with a loss of affection and love in your relationship, could give rise to the first serious doubts about your future together.

Food for Thought: Your relationship may be at risk for eventual divorce. But the pattern of decline early on does not have to continue. Ask yourself: Did we set ourselves up for disappointment with an overly romantic view of marriage? Did we assume it would require little effort to sustain? Did we take each other for granted? Did our disappointment lead to frustration and anger? Will continued bickering erode the love we have left?

A Fine Romance
You have a highly affectionate, loving and harmonious marriage. It may have lost a touch of its initial glow as the mundane realities of marriage have demanded more of your time. But you feel a certain sense of security in the marriage: The relationship's gifts you unwrapped as newlyweds continue to delight.

Food for Thought: You have the makings of a happy, stable marriage. The cohesive partnership you have maintained bodes well for its future. You will not always be happy--all marriages go through rough periods. But your ability to sustain a healthy marriage over the critical first two years suggests that you and your partner operate together like a thermostat in a home--when it's chilly, you identify the source of the draft and eliminate it, and when it's hot, you find ways to circulate cool air.

Mixed Blessings
Your marriage is less enchanting and filled with more conflict and ambivalence than Western society's romantic ideal, but it has changed little over its first two years, losing only a modicum of "good feeling." It seems to coast along, showing few signs that it will deteriorate further or become deeply distressed.

Food for Thought: This relationship may not be the romance you envisioned, but it just might serve you well. Many people in such relationships are content, finding their marriage a reassuringly stable foundation that allows them to devote their attention to career, children or other pursuits. Other people in these relationships are slightly dissatisfied, but stay married because the rewards outweigh the drawbacks. A few people may eventually leave such marriages in search of a "fine romance."

Disengaging Duo
You and your mate are not overly affectionate and frequently express displeasure with one another. In contrast to those in a marriage of "mixed blessings," the love you once felt diminished soon after the wedding, and you became more ambivalent about the relationship. You may already have a sense that your relationship is on shaky ground.

Food for Thought: Your relationship may be in immediate trouble. You may have married hoping that problems in the relationship would go away after the wedding, but they didn't. Ask yourself: Did I see our problems coming while we were dating? Did I think they would dissolve with marriage? What kinds of changes would I need to see in my partner in order to be happy? How likely are they to occur? How bad would things have to get before the marriage would no longer be worthwhile?


There is a great deal more research on the predictors of a good marriage and much of it from Huston and his team.

For one effective way of improving almost any relationship, check The Real Secret Step 8, "Richer Relationships". It is available in paperback and kindle format on www.amazon.com and www.amazon.co.uk , most other online booksellers and can be ordered through bookshops.

Posted by Annabel

Asking For Help - it's easier than you think!

Researchers frequently ask people for help. We asked people for help when we were researching the Happiness Habits Experiment (Report due to be published shortly). Doing any kind of scientific research means asking people to carry out activities or have things done to them mentally or physically, then to answer questions or surveys about the experience - usually for little or no reward other than the interest of being involved.

We had a greater response to our request for people to sign up to the Happiness Habits Experiment than we expected. Some people we knew, but most whom we didn't, visited our website from our requests on Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter and signed up for our research project. In general, people are very co-operative about these sorts of requests for help - often unexpectedly so.

I recently had two separate operations on my feet, which meant I couldn't walk or drive for two months each time. I found it difficult to ask for help from my friends over these periods, but they seemed extraordinarily happy to take my children to school, walk my dog, run errands for me and take me to the hospital. Why did I think it would be otherwise?

Asking for help makes us look weak, which we don't enjoy even when that weakness is nothing to be ashamed of; we don't like imposing on others (even though we would not find it an imposition if they asked us to help them in the same way); and it also exposes us to possible rejection - we feel unreasonably relieved when people say yes.

Some new research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology concludes that we grossly underestimate just how willing others are to help us out.

Francis Flynn and Vanessa Lake of Columbia University ran a series of studies to test people's estimation of how likely others were to help them out. They got participants to ask other people to fill in questionnaires, to borrow cell phones and to escort them to the gym. Across these studies they found that people underestimated how likely others were to help them by as much as 100% - an extraordinarily high figure.

Part of the reason for this underestimation is what psychologists call our "egocentric bias": we find it difficult to understand what others are thinking and feeling because we are stuck inside our own heads. But Flynn and Lake claim that there's more to it than that. It's also due to the fact that we underestimate just how much social pressure there is on other people to say yes. In effect, when we ask someone to help us, it's much more awkward and embarrassing for them to refuse than we might assume.

Now I'm begining to feel bad about all those friends who helped me out for what seemed two very long periods of disability. Were they really just too embarrassed to say no and resented all their kind support? But then again, there was no social pressure on the people we had no connection with who signed up to the Happiness Habits Experiment...

Flynn and Lake carried out two more studies to support this belief in the social pressure of agreeing to help by asking participants to put themselves in either the role of someone asking for help, or someone being asked for help. They found that when people were seeking help, they regularly played down the social costs of saying no. But when they were the potential helper they realised how difficult it was to say no.

So the moral of this research is that it's ok to ask for help - people are more likely to respond positively than you probably think they will, especially if you're not asking for too much from them. Most people are happy to help out - and, as we've said before, acts of kindness often provide the giver with as much happiness as the recipient.

But be aware that people may not feel able say no eaily, even when they don't much want to do what you ask. So be careful how much help you ask for, and make it easy for the people you've asked to say no if you don't want to put them under pressure.

We thought we'd put the first part of the asking for help research to the test - that is, that people are more likely to give help when asked than we think. So we have set up a page on our website asking people to help spread the word about The Real Secret and the effectiveness of our Happiness Habits. Please see if you feel happy to help us here, and if so, do let us know what you'll do by sending us the form at the bottom of the webpage.

Thank you for helping!


http://psycnet.apa.org/index.cfm?fa=buy.optionToBuy&id=2008-08084-009

Posted by Lucy